Why Does God Allow Suffering
“We won’t be back” slipped through a careful smile as the nurse readied discharge papers. The aged question, does God allow suffering, unfolded over the course of 2 years, in my life.
Suddenly, swelled a faint buzz of energy, leaving behind a subtle mix of excitement and sorrow that stung. A familiar nurse took her tiny hand and footprints while remnants of half used diaper rash cream, blankets, and medical care odds and ends were packed up.
After 2 wild trips back to the hospital and 3 long weeks this round we were taking our sweet Ember Maple home for good.
Not because we knew she wouldn’t face another life threatening event, no. Our peace came from the deep place where we knew Jesus had already prepared her departure, yet hope for the miraculous burned red hot under the surface.
Amidst the joy of finally being home together it was easy to forget our sweet girl had needs beyond the norm. With a feeding tube and oxygen dependency she was limited in life yet that didn’t change the new baby smell bouncing off her skin, tiny protests sounding reminiscent of a baby bird, or the gentle stare of her eyes, absorbing our faces closed in on hers.
She was a light in the darkness of the overarching circumstances.
Unto the upright there arises light in the darkness; He is gracious, and full of compassion, and righteous. Psalm 112:4
Ember suffered from the moment she enter this world. She was able to breath on her own but not well enough, leading to additional life support.
For 65 days she fought to stay through the turmoil of a simple cold to her body not cooperating with the basic functions we take for granted.
Her lungs resisted expansion, and her heart, running a continuous marathon battled the structural elements of her body failing to perform.
Mercifully, her eventual absence sunk back giving way to truly soak in her presence. Suddenly the future seemed possible.
72 hours later, she took the hand of Jesus.
But then, heaven rescued her from earth instead.
Does God allow suffering, yes, God allowed suffering.
The ache exploded, grief-stricken shrapnel pierced my cells. While holding her little lifeless body, desperation rose longing for her gentle eyes to look back at me
“No, Ember, please don’t go”!
Those words had become all too frequent over the last 2 months. Rescuing her from heaven was our new normal.
But then, heaven rescued her from earth instead.
There is purpose in suffering.
When the news of Ember’s potential diagnosis first came to light the only suitable prayer I found was “Lord teach me“.
If you’ve ever wondered why God allows suffering, Ember is a testimony to why. Lesser trials had already reaped plentiful pruning, growing, and maturing within me. Little did I know, God would take us through valleys deeper still.
Because, God’s will has purpose. If you can let go of all flesh driven ideas and lean into Jesus, nothing will be in vain.
Matter of fact, discipleship consistently brings forth tests. With every teaching received through, prayer, bible study, fasting, etc. Jesus will provide a flawlessly designed circumstance to try the reins of what we learned.
“For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways, And My thoughts than your thoughts. O my word that proceeds from My mouth will not return to Me empty, but it will accomplish what I please, and it will prosper where I send it. Isaiah 55:9, 11
Years earlier I had prayed fervently for God to make my response to all things in life like Jobs, defaulted faith.
Since knowing Jesus, I’ve learned a vital lesson in remaining surrendered to change as a woman of God, come what may.
A deep longing for unwavering faith, perfect and entire, lacking nothing unveiled my prayer that:
• When uncertainty hit, I’d default to faith.
• When I didn’t understand, I’d default to faith.
• When nothing made sense, I’d default to faith.
• When the answer to prayer was devastating, I’d default to faith.
• When darkness was so thick it felt suffocating, I’d default to faith.
• When feeling alone in a crowded room, I could stop and ask myself what’s absolute in this moment and my default would be faith.
Though unheard and unseen, God is with me now!
ABSOLUTE
This is what walking by faith not by sight looks like in real-time. You have to make conscious decisions to trust God, “even when”.
Suffering draws us closer to something.
Ever since Jesus rescued me from my own self destruction, the journey has been unyielding.
In 14 years, periods of rest atop mountain peaks were few, following brutal hikes of faith building. Offering only time enough to bask in awe of God’s grace and mercy before returning to the valley floor for more battle.
No question, this journey wasn’t solo because Jesus is the source of faithfulness.
The day after our sweet Ember left earth-side was Sunday morning church.
Like clockwork, my flesh wanted to shutdown, embarrassed to walk through those doors with empty arms, but, my spirit was screaming let’s get ready.
As the minutes slipped away, my husband declared, he needed to go praise the Lord, in true king David fashion.
Then David got up from the ground, washed and anointed himself, changed his clothes, and went into the house of the LORD and worshiped. Then he went to his own house, and at his request they set food before him, and he ate. 2 Samuel 12:20
Out of the blue, a text rang from Ember’s hospice nurse saying…
My heart is with you this morning. I need to tell you what just happened.
I haven’t been to church in a while and I was in prayer for you and Quincy; I was overwhelmed by the need to go to church. My son goes alone weekly, so I told him his sisters and I would be coming with him today.
As I was checking in my girls, a lady came up next to me to check in a little girl that had never been to the church. She said, “This is Ember and it’s her first time here.”
God is present.
God spoke to me directly that morning, dripping with more love than I deserve.
If you’ve ever wondered if God hears your prayers, He does!
If you’ve ever wondered if God speaks, He does!
When suffering happens, choose wisely what you draw near to.
Is it bad coping behaviors?
Unhealthy relationships?
Or is it, Jesus?
Her nurse had never heard the name Ember until meeting our daughter, so it struck her heart loud that morning. In double measure, her unknowing impact on my life began the moment she was conceived years before. God knew He would speak to my despair and knew I would be struggling against my flesh, in need of a divine appointment.
No matter what happens.
Suffering loss isn’t the end.
For me, Ember represents my own ember of hope in Jesus, though he slay me, still I will trust in Him.
Still I will continue in my ways of praise and thankfulness toward Him.
Still I’ll show up and by grace, successfully glorify the name of the Lord.
Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him: but I will maintain mine own ways before him. He also shall be my salvation: for an hypocrite shall not come before him. Job 13:15-16
My husband and I set out to build our legacy as a family that calls on the name of the Lord Jesus for generations to come.
No matter what happens.
Let that sink in.
This is my purpose. From breath to breath, it’s my heavenly calling to trust the Lord in all things.
I miss my precious daughter so much. She was perfect and stunning, fine china swirling through a tornado. Her little smile and loving eyes were a gift, like all of our children.
Comfort prevails in knowing she no longer suffers here. And while the why isn’t available right now, she will always be a mountain peak in the testimony God is writing of my life.
Without delay, joy leads me back into the abundant valley, running the good race so that I may squeeze her tightly at my finish.
I love you immensely, my remarkable Ember of hope!
So, why does God allow suffering? The answer is simple so that we may know him more. We were never meant to go through loss and heartache alone. The sting of hopelessness is why Jesus died for us, so that, we may never be alone in the hard things that happen.
The truth of this is a hard pill to swallow, but if you will trust Him your life and legacy will radically change for ages to come.
Thank you Jesus, for my determined purpose is to know you more.
But whatever was gain to me I count as loss for the sake of Christ. More than that, I count all things as loss compared to the surpassing excellence of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in Him, not having my own righteousness from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God on the basis of faith. I want to know Christ and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to Him in His death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead. Philippians 3:7-10
